Sr. Francisca Yaa Konadu, SIJ writes: Building a healthy relationship as a young Christian

Good afternoon, family in Christ, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today, the world celebrates love with chocolates, roses, and romantic gestures. Social media is filled with couple photos, and shops overflow with red hearts. Yet as young Christians, we are called to something deeper than the culture’s version of love. We are called to reflect God’s character in all our relationships—not only romantic ones. So what does it mean to build healthy, Christ-honouring relationships in a world often obsessed with temporary feelings and fleeting romance?

St. Augustine once said, “He loves Thee too little, who loves anything together with Thee, which he loves not for Thy sake.” If we love someone more than God, or without reference to God, our love is incomplete and potentially dangerous. If we do not understand relationships properly from God’s perspective, we may enter something that looks sweet today but destroys our future tomorrow. Let us learn together what God’s Word teaches about building healthy relationships.

What is a Relationship?

A relationship is more than chatting until midnight, changing your display picture because of someone, or exchanging gifts. Relationships are deliberate connections built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine love, rooted firmly in God’s Word. They can be friendships, family ties, church connections, mentorships, or romantic relationships.

Who we relate with determines who we become. St. John Chrysostom warned, “Nothing is more powerful than a bad habit.” The people we spend time with shape habits, influence our character, and affect our destiny. The Bible confirms this: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15:33). Choose your relationships wisely.

What is a Healthy Relationship?

A healthy relationship is one that:

• Draws you closer to God, not away from Him

• Brings peace to your heart, not confusion

• Builds your future, not destroys it

• Encourages spiritual and personal growth, not pressure to sin

• Makes you better, not bitter

St. Francis de Sales teaches, “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” Don’t rush into relationships because everyone else is in one. Be patient and wait for what is healthy for you.

Ask yourself honestly: if after entering a relationship you find yourself hiding from your parents, hiding from your pastor, neglecting prayer or Scripture, or feeling constant guilt and shame—is this relationship healthy for your soul?

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

1. God-Centred
In a healthy relationship, God is at the centre of everything. You pray together, encourage each other in faith, and respect God’s Word and commandments. You do not pressure each other to sin or compromise your values. Remember, everybody is not your destiny. St. Cyprian of Carthage reminds us, “No one is strong in his own strength, but he is safe by the grace and mercy of God.” Rely on God’s strength to stand firm.

2. Respect
True love shows respect—in how you speak to each other, how you dress, and by honoring physical and emotional boundaries. Love does not manipulate, threaten, or control. St. Basil the Great taught, “A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” Watch actions, not just words.

3. Honest Communication
Healthy relationships allow open and honest conversations, the ability to apologise, receive correction, and disagree respectfully. Public insults, constant criticism, and humiliation are not signs of love—they are abuse. St. Ambrose teaches that returning thanks is urgent; in relationships, appreciation and gratitude strengthen bonds.

4. Purpose-Driven
At your stage of life, your primary relationship priorities should be education, character, spiritual growth, and career development. If a relationship distracts you from your studies, your calling, or your God-given purpose, it is not healthy. St. Jerome reminds us, “Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” Choose relationships that elevate you, not make you mediocre.

5. Accountability
A healthy relationship is not hidden in darkness. It can be known and supported by your parents, mentors, church leaders, or peers. If you feel the need to hide your relationship, pause and reflect. John 3:19 reminds us: “Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.” Truth does not need hiding.

Healthy Relationships for Young Christians

At this stage of life, focus on:

• Friendships: Build relationships that encourage spiritual growth, discipline, and personal development.

• Mentorships: Seek guidance from mature, godly adults such as pastors, teachers, or responsible mentors.

• Group Fellowship: Grow in community through church youth groups and multiple godly friendships. Don’t put all your emotional needs on one person.

As St. Athanasius taught, “You cannot put straight in others what is warped in yourself.” Develop your character first, then build relationships that complement it.

Practical Advice

• Don’t rush love—develop yourself first.

• Protect your body; it is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

• Guard your future; don’t trade it for temporary pleasure.

• Learn self-control; it is a fruit of the Spirit.

• Pray before making emotional decisions.

St. Bernard of Clairvaux reminds us, “What we love we shall grow to resemble.” Love godly things, and you will become godly. Love wisely. Feelings are real, but they are not always right.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day is not about proving love through gifts, money, or physical intimacy. It is a reminder to understand love correctly—God’s way. True love, according to 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, kind, humble, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful, and persevering.

The greatest relationship you must protect is your relationship with Jesus Christ. When that relationship is strong, every other relationship will fall into its proper place. As Tertullian wrote about Christian couples: “How beautiful is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.”

May God grant you wisdom, patience, and strength to build relationships that honour Him, bless your future, and protect your heart, your body, and your destiny. Amen.